There’s a situation in my world that happens with such repetition that it borders on axiom. If I create a goal for myself that I want to achieve, something manifests that must immediately derail that goal by mandate of importance.
In this case, the goal is to reclaim my lost drawing skills and to improve upon them. This can only be achieved over time, and time is no longer something I have in abundance. Due to the collision of incompetence and pettiness on the part of those higher up the corporate ladder than myself, I am now positioned in such a manner that there is a chance I’ll be unemployed come March 1. Early this week, the certainty of this was 90%. Due to some reorganization and tap dancing on my part, that probability has dropped to 50%. I’m nowhere near comfortable with my fate being determined by a coin toss. Without elaborating further, all I can say is that this is through no fault of my own, and it is beyond my control to further manipulate the situation. Let the chips fall where they may. And even if end up staying, the simple fact is… I don’t want to. I should have abandoned this job years ago.
This means that much of my free time will be exploring job possibilities. My resume is, shall we say, unimpressive. I’m largely an autodidact, with little formal certification in anything to show for it, which means there are few jobs out there that I am “qualified” for that will pay me a living wage. I have neither the investment capital, or risk assessment needed to begin my own business, let alone the time to let it flourish. Someday, perhaps, but not currently. This has been what’s kept me here all this time. When faced with the Kobayashi Maru — the no-win scenario — one must take the Captain Kirk approach: change the conditions of the test so that it’s possible to save the ship. So I’m currently exploring a Hail Mary play that involves certification in a growth industry of some sort where I will have both means and advancement potential. I have no clue what that will be at this point, but I have discovered resources on my side that will allow me to figure it out. Suffice it to say, most of my free time and energy will be set to this task. When this is over, I intend to have a bona fide career vs. the dead end job I currently have. Ah, nothing like an involuntary mid-life sea change to really shake things up.
That’s not to say my initial goal will go unheeded. Indeed, the best way to manifest solutions to complex problems is to distract the conscious mind and let the unconscious mind work. The old scientific principle applies: when you seek a breakthrough, it will happen in the bed, in the bath, or on the toilet. So given that such breakthroughs favor a prepared mind, this means I’m doing a great deal of research, and then I’m letting it marinate while I do other things… such as drawing.
Determination and need will guide me forward. It also turns out to work in reverse, as evidenced by this morning’s endeavors. If I’m chewing on this other pressing problem, the creative outlets are free to express themselves. Go figure.