I’ve been thinking. I know… it’s a dangerous pastime, but I can’t help myself sometimes. Let me try to explain what’s going on between my ears, and I’ll let you tell me if it’s worth it for you since you’d be the ones reading this mess.
As anyone who’s followed this blog knows by now, I’m working to rebuild my life pretty much from the ground up. I got the results of the DSM last night, and I’m now officially being treated for anxiety and depression, exactly as I assumed the diagnosis would confirm, made worse by the sensory processing issues I deal with. As it was explained to me, there is no cure (again, no surprise), and the idea behind the treatment going forward is to address the triggers and create coping mechanisms that will mitigate the responses. As it turns out, which is also no surprise, a large part of my problem is social anxiety. I don’t deal with people very well, especially en masse. And yet… I have this blog, and while the reading numbers don’t reflect it, I have more than enough followers to freak me out if I ever gave it any real thought. It was much the same back in my podcasting days too. It’s easier to talk to a screen or a microphone until I realize people are part of the equation. None of you people are “real” until after I hit the publish button and you speak up. That probably sounds a bit harsh, but if you think about it, that’s part of the disconnect we all experience when dealing with social media. Some platforms are faster and more immediate than others by design, and I don’t deal with those.
Back on point. I’m told I should keep a journal to document my insights and setbacks and such. I used to keep a journal back in the day, but I’ve not done that in a long time. It had its advantages, certainly, but I get more out of blogging. I can fool myself, just as anyone can. It’s better if I have an audience holding me accountable through honest interaction, and the possibility is there that I might get some feedback that perhaps wouldn’t otherwise be considered. I try to be as open as possible to new ideas. There’s also the suggestion that some of you might likewise benefit from the things I learn along the way, be they positive or negative. One of my readers, for example, commented that she wanted me to blog about what my efforts in creating a budget, changing my habits, and digging out of debt. This is certainly one aspect of all I’m intending to accomplish on my quest to reformat my life.
You see where I’m going with this, I think. I’ve told a handful of people so far that this feels like a new beginning for me, and the only way it will actually be so is if I stay the course and follow through. It’ll certainly help me to record my efforts and the resources I use as I proverbially upgrade my life to a completely new operating system. If I’m authentic with you, I’m authentic with me. Not that I haven’t been authentic with you thus far, but keep in mind that authenticity is one of those proverbial double-edged swords. Long time readers already know I’m terrible about pulling in the reins and being concise. Blogging knows no limits other than the time it takes to type, and thus the time it takes to read. At the same time, I don’t want to bore anyone or bog you down with more crap you don’t want to read. Let’s face it, this blog is already a random bag of cats. This just adds a monkey or two, but they do make quite the mess. Personally, my money’s on the cats.
And so… I’d like your feedback here. If I do this, I’m potentially going to do it as a full fledged “project” blog so I can go back and reference it easier as needed instead of trying to find it in the general blog roll. You’d see it regardless, obviously. Is this something you would want in your feed? Would you find it valuable on any level? If so, is there anything in particular you would find helpful or meaningful that I should address along the way? Regardless of whether you’re interested or not, let me know what you think. Thanks in advance.