I asked for feedback as to whether or not I should do this, and while it wasn’t a huge response, it actually raked in a few more “likes” than many of my posts. Interestingly, people who don’t follow me were liking the post. Better still, those who piped up in comments were enthusiastic and offered some good points. Talk about encouraging. The rest was silence, and I don’t consider that an answer either direction. So, without further adieu… welcome to this site’s newest project blog series, Life: Rediscovered. As with all previous and continuing series, each entry will drop into the regular feed if you’re subscribed to the site, and you can find links to each post for later reference at the project’s landing page.
The title for this post is sadly ironic. No one truly starts over. There are no magical reset buttons. We all have baggage whether we like it or not. Everyone’s got some drama. It’s part of the human experience. That’s ok. It’s just that some of us have more drama than we’d like, and that’s a signal that it’s time to make a change. Neither matter nor energy can be created nor destroyed. These can only be transformed. For some, that might seem like bad news. For me, that’s the first sign of hope. And that’s why this feels like starting over, because this really does feel like a new stage in my life.
For those coming in late, I start this series as I begin therapy. I’m 44 years old. More than half my life to this point has been a fugue state of anxiety, depression, anger, low self-esteem, and boredom with flashes of good stuff here and there, merely trying to survive without going mad. This is backwards, and because I know it, it feeds that cycle of misery even further. If I have any intention of seeing another 44 years, something’s gotta give. However it unfolds, I want to minimize all of that negativity. The nature of the beast is that it’s extremely difficult to take control and reformat your life from a negative state to a positive one by somehow redefining our focal points.
The challenge in my case is that everything I experience is exacerbated by that which I cannot control: sensory processing disorder. The bright lights are brighter. The deep sub-woofer thumps echo through my skeletal and nervous systems. The neighbors’ dogs sound like they’re in the room with me. So, too, do the neighbors themselves. I live my life with noise-canceling headphones, earplugs, and blackout curtains. Not exactly ideal for anyone. There are no optimal conditions to springboard against to find higher ground. This is why I’m getting professional help. The path I’m taking will utilize no drugs, which I’m pleased to say my therapist agreed with my choice. Instead, the idea is to be aware, to make better choices, to develop better habits, and to develop coping mechanisms.
Essentially, the overall plan for this series is to document the trial and error of the new approaches to life that I’m taking: what works, what doesn’t, and how something could work better still. More than that, the idea is to generate the inspiration to keep at it. Likewise, I’m hoping this series will be more interactive. I hope I can inspire someone else to take some positive steps, and I hope to learn from all of you just as much as you might take away from my endeavors.
In the days, weeks, months, and maybe even years to come, I hope to develop and continually refine an holistic approach: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The slightest course correction can yield considerable results down the road. Nothing comes instantly, and none of this will happen all at once. Most of the posts for this going forward will cover a single topic that I’m addressing in my own life.
The first step going forward, before I can blog at all, is to define where I am, which I’m doing with the therapist in these early days. From there, I can decide what I’m immediately missing for basic survival and how to implement that. I will also identify the tools I have at hand that have kept me going thus far. These two points are where the first posts for this series will originate. And then as things develop and stabilize, I’ll decide where I want to go and what it will take to get there.
Everyone’s different. At every stage of this process, what does or does not work for me may be completely different for you. These are things I’m trying in my own life, and different ideas may be more or less drastic than anything you may try. Ultimately, the idea is to approach all of this from a point of compassion and an exploration of what’s possible. I have no answers. I’m learning to ask better questions. If any of this helps you along a similar path, then I’ll consider my time blogging about it to be well spent. Thank you.