Moving Forward

The nature of the omniverse is that whenever a person decides to cross a line in the sand and go forward, the omniverse pushes back, testing the person’s resolve.

For example… I am in therapy for depression, anxiety, anger, and all manner of other such tangled ideas that prevent the concept of forward personal momentum.  I’ve made no secret of this.  I see it as an asset.  Tuesday was my latest appointment.  Per instructions, I’ve begun implementing a combination of physical and mental exercises that are designed to decrease and deprogram the otherwise trained autonomic responses (i.e., “triggers”) that send me spiraling into self-defeat.  One single session, and I felt better than I have at any time before in memory.  Imagine the cumulative effect of repeated sessions across weeks, months, or even years.  Sounds good, right?

On Wednesday, Amazon locked access to two-thirds of my online music library in one of their “upgrades,” I dealt with my boss and HR regarding makeup time for therapy appointments, and thieves busted into my house.  While they got nothing of consequence, both the back door and the TV will need to be replaced due to damage.  There is a sense of personal violation, but this too passes.  It’s not nearly as debilitating a sensation as it was the last time my home was invaded.

I’m still standing.  More than that, I’m doing just fine.  The tools I was given worked again.  Even just the breathing exercises in the car on the drive home were enough to keep me focused and free from anxiety.

The combined effect of one single session of combination exercises interrupted the autonomic signals just enough for me to do what I needed to do.  Usually I do ok in the moment of crisis, provided there is no confrontation to be had.  Then as soon as the event is over, stress wreaks havoc on my body.  That didn’t happen.  I thought for certain that as the night passed that I would endure a panic attack or something as has often happened in similar situations.  Not only did that not happen, I felt some things click into place.  New switches were flipped.  Confidence.  Endurance.  Perseverance.

Life does not throw things at us that we cannot handle.  We may not think so in the moment, but humans are infinitely adaptable to circumstance and environment.  Such is the power of our imaginations that can reshape our perceptions.  Perception defines reality.  We emerge on the other side stronger than before if only we believe we can, and if we are allowed to know the right tools to help us through such things.  These tools are different for everyone, and many of them have infinite variations.

I am made of sterner stuff.  I have found both a new source of inner strength and of inner compassion.  In doing so, I have dismissed a personal boundary that’s been holding me back.  The omniverse acknowledges it.  After being stuck and sinking deeper into the mire for most of my life, I have moved forward.

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