Dear 15 Year Old Me

Rules:

•  Post the tag and image above.

Done.  :)

•  Mention the creators of the tag and link back to their blog.

This tag was created by Everyday Magic With Jubilee and Mom Life With Chiari. You can click on the highlighted names to check out more inspirational posts from their blogs. Make sure to tag them in your post so that they can read your letters of encouragement.

•  Thank whoever nominated you and link back to their blog.

I was nominated by Liz @ Under This Skin

•  Nominate 5 other bloggers that you love and notify them by commenting on their latest blog post.

(at the end)

 

Often times we may wish that we could go back in time and give our former selves advice and words of wisdom. If you could go back in time, what would advice or encouragement would you give to yourself?

Dear 15 year old me,

1. Don’t be hard on yourself because …

This is a time of confusion for you.  Things that have been in flux all your life have dropped on you like a ton of bricks.  The world has been gripped in Bat-mania.  Yes, I know we got there before everyone else, and yes, we’ll stay longer than most for all the right reasons.  That doesn’t matter.  We both know that’s not where your real attention — your heart’s attention — is right now.  See if this sounds familiar…

Don’t ask about the video or the future technology that brings it to you. Just accept it as proof of everything I’m talking about so we can get to the important stuff. You were hoping this would go away?  Emi, you know this hits you in the heartstrings and plucked all the ones you’ve been actively — violently — denying for too many years.  No, it isn’t fair.  Not by far.  But, believe it or not, it can be explained, and it will be in time.  I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Disney missed the boat on how popular this one is.  It ended their slump.  But they’re going to market the idea of the Disney Princess to little girls around the world.  It’ll be a thing from here on out.  Ariel’s got a special place in that that they didn’t count on.  There’s even a name for it down the road: transgenderism.  That’s the name they give it when it ceases to be the butt of lame sitcom jokes.  Mermaids are kind of the unofficial adopted mascot for us t-girls and even some t-guys.  You already understand why.  Remember Madison?  Yeah.  See?  I can’t make this up.  You are far from the only one that gets it.  This knowledge won’t make it any easier to live with it.  You still have the wrong bits and the wrong hormones, and there is SO much to explore that, quite frankly, you can’t or won’t explore for a variety of reasons.  But there are other doors that will open to you.  It’s going to come down to you.  Make no rash decisions, stay the course you decide upon, and trust your heart.  Help will come where and when you least expect it, from friends you don’t yet know you have.  In the meantime, love what speaks to you.  If you feel like you’re getting away with something because you have to hide it from those who won’t understand, it’ll mean that much more on account.  Cherish anything or anyone you deem to be special to you.

Also, before I forget… Ariel “collects” in secret for the same reasons you do.  Your parents are just as destructive to your stuff as Ariel’s father is to hers, and there’s a hole in your heart that only music seems to fill.  Do yourself a big favor.  Stick with music.  And don’t collect so much stuff.  It’s the wrong kind of attachment.  At the very least, it’s a pain in the tail to move it all.  ;)

2. The relationship you’re in ….

I know… you’re asking “What relationship?”  We don’t even have a handle on gender identity yet, let alone a clue on how to invite anyone else into the circle.  Or even a circle.  The best thing I can tell you is that years from now, there will be two relationships that you enter into knowing up front they’re toxic.  You have nothing to prove, and they’re not worth it.  Worse, it’ll only mess with your head if you try to prove to yourself that which you know isn’t true.  The right one will come along.

3. You will get through this because …

You’ve already seen for yourself what an angel looks like (or chooses to look like for you, in any case) and what she can do.  You will see her again.  She’s always with you whether you feel her presence or not.  There are lessons you have to learn in this life.  You’ve put yourself into this situation in order to learn them.  And you will.  Finding answers has never been a problem for us.  Don’t expect anyone else to have them, and the rest will fall into place as it must.

4. Don’t get caught up in thinking …

that the world is against you.  The world has no idea who you are, and those who do… well, you’ve done a good job keeping this under wraps so far.  Trust in that.  Show people what they need to see, and they won’t look any deeper.  They’re caught up in their own need to reaffirm their bullshit perspectives, just like you.  The difference is, you don’t get to keep the luxury of keeping yours.  The ones who do look deeper into you, you’ll know immediately if they’re doing so for the right reasons.  If  they’re not, they’ll see only more of what you’ve told them to see.  No more, no less.  The ones who mean well…  That’ll pay off down the line when you make the choice to say something.  You’ve got good instincts.

5. These experiences will help you learn …

self-reliance, for starters, and whom you can trust to lean on when that time comes too.  You are not alone, which is, ironically, also part of the problem.  Focusing on the internal is important, and you will have a wonderful teacher who can show you how to do that.  But don’t get caught up in your head space either.  The path to enlightenment begins in your heart… and is achieved in the hearts of others.

 

The nominees: (in no particular order, and completely up to you if you want to follow through or not)

 

BrokenTune

The Hinoeuma @ Cosmic Observation

Cassie Winters @ Revised Origins

Glen available @ Scenic Writer’s Shack

Paula Bardell-Hedley @ Book Jotter

If anyone else wants to jump in, by all means.  The more, the merrier!

4 thoughts on “Dear 15 Year Old Me

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